At the ripe young age of 16, my friend and I stood next to the Milennium Falcon, her beast of a car that had recently killed itself in one of the worst neighborhoods in town. She had just received her driver's license, and I was hoping to God my mom wouldn't find out we were stuck here with no adult. My friend's Dad was a mechanic, but he was a good 20 minute drive away. We looked like we didn't belong, and certainly didn't show any outwardly street cred.
As we popped the hood, the acrid smell of battery juice filled the air. When my friend called her dad, we simply said, "The battery blew up." Her Dad must have said that that was impossible, but she calmy replied, "No...the acid is everywhere. Like, everywhere." He let us know the tow truck was on its way. Now, I don't mind talking to strangers, but my friend gets nervous. The more colorful they are, the more fun it is for me. I was hoping someone interesting would come up while we were waiting for the tow truck. She was begging God we would be anonymous. God ignored her prayer.
A relic from the 70's comes sauntering up to the Falcon. Long shaggy hair, gravely voice, crazy hat. I was mesmerized. Hoping he'd be helpful, he asked, "What happened?" My friend explained that the battery simply blew up. It was obvious we were stuck, but we were hopeful he might know something...ANYTHING that would assuage our fear. He looks at the car, looks at us, and says, "It's dead. Dead, dead, dead." Thank you, Captain Obvious. We know. If the fact that the car was sitting in the middle of a road didn't tip you off, the site of two young girls crowded around the smoke of burning acid should have been a dead give away. But in that moment, as he shuffled off into the darkness of that awful neighborhood, we knew we would forever have a catchphrase that stated both the obvious AND emphasized the clarity and finality of a situation. Dead, dead, dead.
As you know here at Centerpoint, our mission moving forward is "Multiplying disciples and churches, locally and globally". As a ministry staff, we are unpacking that together - because hey, we can't teach what we don't know. In unpacking what it means to be a disciple, all roads point to dying to self. You can't get around it. You can't bypass it. It's obvious in the scripture, and is final. Non-negotiable. Required. It is a symbiotic suicide that says less and less of me, and more and more of Jesus. But how do you even know you're on the right track? Here are 3 signs to know you are on life support...and loving it.
1. You are producing seed.
Jesus says in John 12 that, "unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds" (v.24). There's a part of dying to self that produces more and more for the glory of God's kingdom. Jesus later says in John 15 to produce much fruit (v. 5). But we can't do it without Jesus. We don't get to bear fruit without Jesus! That does two things for us as believers: a) it removes the pressure from us to have to do it on our own, and b) ensures that the glory goes squarely where it belongs - to Jesus. You also should be producing the fruit of the Spirit in your own life...love, JOY, peace, and more (Galatians 5:22-23). It produces seed inside of us too. And it should be AWESOME.
2. You are loving your life less and less and aiming for an eternal life.
Verse 25 of John 12 reiterates that, "Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life." In our discipleship curriculum as a team, we were encouraged to "pray the prayer of indifference". What that meant was, honestly and truly praying for God's will for our entire lives without any hidden agenda or stake. That whatever God asked us to do, we were all in. A surrendered and completely available life is the mark of a disciple. How easy is it for us to pray for God's will for our lives but hope that God doesn't ask us to give up our homes, our paychecks, our careers! But the disciples laid those down, and ultimately their physical lives, to follow Jesus. Which takes us to the last sign...
3. We are following and serving Jesus.
"Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be" (v.26). Where is Jesus at work? Where is he? And then, where are you? Are you where he is? Where is he asking you to be? Because where Jesus is, we should be right behind, right next to him. Closely connected, humbly submitted. If I am going to die to self, I need to ask, "Where is Jesus and where am I?" everyday. In my heart. In my thoughts. In my paycheck. In my planner. In my conversations. In my marriage. This goes way beyond WWJD.
Thank the Lord it is a process! I look at the lives of the disciples - the heroes of our faith - and I'm unbelievably grateful. In my dying to be like Christ, I can still argue about who's first, jump out of a boat, and even forget I know Jesus and still be loved into his gracious calling. That's love. And that's love worth dying for.
So the next time you're surrounded by the acrid smell of your perfect plan for life pretty much blown to bits, don't sweat it. Jesus sometimes does that. But how great when I can look at my own agenda in the face of Christ's and say to my agenda, "Yep...it's dead. Dead, dead, dead."
Eliza Cortés Bast
